phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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