Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just sucked dick on a ferry
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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