I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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