Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
