I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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