The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
