if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
