I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Randomize
