man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
