Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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