What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
