So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm jealous of your bromance
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
