Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
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