I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
