so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
