I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
