The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
