Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
