I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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