if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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