Where are you?
In a non slutty way
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
