sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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