No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
