i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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