Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
