he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
