i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
