I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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