i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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