He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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