whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
