I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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