my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
