We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
