I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
