I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
