He had one of those small greek statue penises
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
