8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
