I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
