Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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