Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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