Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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