she looked like the before picture.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
