Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
