I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
