Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
