they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
