Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
