i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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