I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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