she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
