he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
