We're like a lot better than the average bears
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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