I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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