Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
