I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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