So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
