My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
